Hollywood Squares Quotes

Hollywood Squares Quotes (PG)

More Stuff!
Jokeindex Home
PG rated jokes
Celebrity/Movie/Entertainment
Quotes

1. According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait awhile. Why? Paul Lynde: He's out of town

2. Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the movie, 'What's The Matter With Helen?' Who plays Helen? Charley Weaver: Dennis Weaver-that's why they asked the question

3. What are 'dual-purpose cattle' good for that other cattle aren't? Paul Lynde: They give milk ... and cookies, but I don't recommend the cookies

4. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant? 5. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him

6. Robert Young recently stated, 'I never, never give ...' something to his fans who ask for it. What? Paul Lynde: A hysterectomy

7. James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when he was forty-one years old. Now he says it was 'one of the best things I ever did

What was it? Marty Allen: Rhonda Fleming

8. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? Charley Weaver: His feet

9. Before a cow will give you any milk, she has to have something very important. What? Paul Lynde: An engagement ring

10. According to Robert Mitchum, one thing has ruined more actors than drinking. What? Charley Weaver: Not drinking

11. When the Lone Ranger finished with a case, he left something behind. What? Paul Lynde: A masked baby

12. True or false: Some African Watusi tribesmen greet guests by running toward them at full speed, then high-jumping over them

Charley Weaver: This is sometimes terribly embarrassing to tall guests

13. You're on your first visit to Japan, and you head right for the Kabuki. Why? Paul Lynde: It was a long plane ride

14. If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high? Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it

15. Do female frogs croak? Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water

16. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake

17. Is there any such thing as an F cup in bra sizes? Paul Lynde: Yes, it sleeps four

18. True or false: Many people sleep better in their street clothes than they do in their pajamas? Paul Lynde: Yes. We call them winos

19. According to the World Book, is it okay to freeze your persimmons? Paul Lynde: No. You should dress warmly

20. According to psychologists, when a child begins to get curious about sex, what is the one question he will most ask his mommy and daddy? Paul Lynde: Where can I get some? 21. Your baby has a certain object which he loves to cling to. Should you try to break him of his habit? Joan Rivers: Yes. It's daddy's turn

Want more of the same? Check out these categories!
Celebrity/Movie/Entertainment | Quotes | Home

Editor's Note: Be sure to check out my blog at michael.bissell.conquent.com/blog -- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make the world... nutty.