9-1-1 calls

Goofy 9-1-1 calls from the new book "What's the Number for 9-1-1?: America's Wackiest 9-1-1 Calls" by Leland H. Gregory III (Andrews McMeel Publishing):

Caller: "These bee-droppings are ruining my roof!"

A woman dialed 9-1-1 in the middle of a rainstorm to ask if police could give her a ride to avoid getting her new hairdo wet.

Caller: "Please connect me to Switzerland."

Paramedics, responding to an "abdominal evisceration," arrived at the caller's residence to find a 13-year-old boy lying on a bed. They quickly examined the boy but could find nothing wrong with him. When they asked why he had called 9-1-1, the boy told them he had "stuff" coming out of his navel. Further investigation revealed the "stuff" to be belly-button lint.

9-1-1 Dispatcher: "Fire or emergency?"
Caller: "Neither. My son was bothering me. I just wanted to let you know."

Caller: "Can you tell me when the next earthquake is?"

Velma Ann Wantlin of Houma, La., called 9-1-1 to report that her husband was preventing her from watching "Knots Landing."

9-1-1 Dispatcher: "9-1-1. Please state your emergency." Caller: "Yeah, am I talking to a real operator or is this a recording?" Dispatcher: "This is a real operator. Please state your emergency." Caller: "Are you sure you're a real person? You sort of sound like a recording."
Dispatcher (irritated): "I'm a real person, sir!"
Caller: "OK. Now you sound like a real operator."

9-1-1 Dispatcher: "Are you conscious?"
Caller: "No."

A man in La Vergne, Tenn., called 9-1-1 to report that his wife was pouring all his beer down the drain.

Caller: "My phone doesn't work."

9-1-1 Dispatcher: "Fire and ambulance."
Caller: "Yes sir, I need an ambulance for my son. He has his finger stuck in a Hot Wheels car."
Dispatcher: "I'm sorry, sir. Is this an emergency?"
Caller: "Well, it's his favorite one!"

Buy my book!

Mundane Journeys through an Amazing World begins with Interstate 80. Not the most engaging topic, I know, but when you think about it, I-80 runs all the way across the North American continent linking San Francisco and New York. It's not just a ribbon of asphalt, it's a portal to far away, almost magical places.

My visits to major cities like Tokyo, London and Washington DC have been business affairs. I haven't rode a lot of roller coasters or ridden in open air buses, but I have visited with senators, bought yams from the back of a truck and barely escaped complete embarrassment when I was introduced to Matt Wiener in Vegas.

As I wrote the book I realized that over the years exotic, distant places have become more like the mundane places I've called home. But, as it turns out, there really aren't any mundane places, only mundane ways of looking at things.

If you have the cost of a latte and a Kindle, you can buy a copy at Amazon by clicking here.

Or buy it in print! Mundane Journeys Trade Paperback

9-1-1 calls (G)