The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such as:
1. Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not
2. Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a jerk
3. Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN
4. Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish
5. Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning
6. Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants
7. Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember)
8. Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead
9. Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck
10. Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible
11. Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you
12. Consumption of alcohol may cause a flux in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear
13. Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy
Buy my book!
Mundane Journeys through an Amazing World begins with Interstate 80. Not the most engaging topic, I know, but when you think about it, I-80 runs all the way across the North American continent linking San Francisco and New York. It's not just a ribbon of asphalt, it's a portal to far away, almost magical places.
My visits to major cities like Tokyo, London and Washington DC have been business affairs. I haven't rode a lot of roller coasters or ridden in open air buses, but I have visited with senators, bought yams from the back of a truck and barely escaped complete embarrassment when I was introduced to Matt Wiener in Vegas.
As I wrote the book I realized that over the years exotic, distant places have become more like the mundane places I've called home. But, as it turns out, there really aren't any mundane places, only mundane ways of looking at things.
If you have the cost of a latte and a Kindle, you can buy a copy at Amazon by
clicking here.
Or buy it in print!
Mundane Journeys Trade Paperback
Editor's Note: Be sure to check out my blog at
michaelbissell.com/blog -- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make
the world... nutty.
Today's blog: Being Watched by TV
Follow @bissell and @jokeindex on Twitter
