Bad riddles (but somehow funny)

Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa

Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He's all right now.

How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.

How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

How does a spoiled rich girl change a light bulb? She says, 'Daddy, I want a new apartment.'

What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? 'Dam'.

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids.

What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.

What do the letters D.N.A. stand for? National Dyslexics Association.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese.

What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses.

What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand? Quatro sinko.

What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor? A pachydermatologist

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A pool table.

What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than an 'A' bra.

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka. ....and what kind of lettuce? Iceberg.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.

Where do you get virgin wool from? Ugly sheep.

Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? They all have phones.

Why do bagpipers walk when they play? They're trying to get away from the noise.

Buy my book!

Mundane Journeys through an Amazing World begins with Interstate 80. Not the most engaging topic, I know, but when you think about it, I-80 runs all the way across the North American continent linking San Francisco and New York. It's not just a ribbon of asphalt, it's a portal to far away, almost magical places.

My visits to major cities like Tokyo, London and Washington DC have been business affairs. I haven't rode a lot of roller coasters or ridden in open air buses, but I have visited with senators, bought yams from the back of a truck and barely escaped complete embarrassment when I was introduced to Matt Wiener in Vegas.

As I wrote the book I realized that over the years exotic, distant places have become more like the mundane places I've called home. But, as it turns out, there really aren't any mundane places, only mundane ways of looking at things.

If you have the cost of a latte and a Kindle, you can buy a copy at Amazon by clicking here.

Or buy it in print! Mundane Journeys Trade Paperback

Bad riddles (but somehow funny) (PG)