Q: How many Seattle Seahawks does it take to win a Super Bowl? A: Nobody knows and we may never find out! Dear Richard Sherman, I'm getting all my "ducks" in a row. Sincerely, Peyton Manning
Q: Why does President Obama want to send Seahawk QB Russell Wilson to Syria? A: The CIA are convinced Russell is the only American who can overthrow Bashir Assad.
Q: Why can't Russell Wilson use the phone anymore? A: Because he can't find the receiver.
Q: What did the Seahawks fan say after his team won the Super Bowl? A: "Dammit mom, why'd you wake me up? I was having an amazing dream!" Q. How are the Seahawks like my neighbors? A. They can't pick up a single yard!
Q: Want to hear a Seahawks joke? A: Golden Tate!
Q: Why is Golden Tate like a grizzly bear? A: Every fall he goes into hibernation.
Q: How many Seahawks fans does it take to change a light bulb? A: None they are happy living in the 49ers shadow!
Q: What do you call an Seattle Seahawks with a Super Bowl ring? A: A thief.
Q: What's the difference between the Seattle Seahawks and a dollar bill? A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: What do the Seattle Seahawks and possums have in common? A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
Q: What is the difference between a Seahawks fan and a baby? A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.
Q: How many Seattle Seahawks does it take to change a tire? A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up
Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl? A: The Seattle Seahawks.
Q: What do the Seattle Seahawks and Billy Graham have in common? A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".
Q: How do you keep an Seattle Seahawks out of your yard? A: Put up goal posts.
Q: Why are so many Seattle Seahawks players claiming they have the Swine Flu? A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!
Q: What is a Seattle Seahawks fan's favorite whine? A: "We can't beat Arizona."
Q: How do you stop an Seattle Seahawks fan from beating his wife? A: Dress her in Arizona Red!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Seattle Seahawks fan? A: The bucket.
Q: If you have a car containing a Seahawks wide receiver, a Seahawks linebacker, and a Seahawks defensive back, who is driving the car? A: The cop.
Q: How do you casterate an Seattle Seahawks fan? A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: What should you do if you find three Seattle Seahawks football fans buried up to their neck in cement? A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an Seattle Seahawks fan and a carp? A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish. Q. How did the Seattle Seahawks fan die from drinking milk? A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What does an Seattle Seahawks fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl? A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What do you call an Seattle Seahawk in the Super Bowl? A: A referee.
Q: Did you hear that Seattle's football team doesn't have a website? A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How many Seattle Seahawks fans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None. Lava lamps don�t burn out man!
Q: What does a Seattle Seahawks fan and a bottle of beer have in common? A: They�re both empty from the neck up.
Q: Why do Seattle Seahawks fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards? A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What's the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead? A: Have him watch a couple Seattle Seahawks games.
Q: How do the Seahawks spend the first week of training camp? A: Studying the Miranda Rights
Q: How do you keep a Seahawks fan from masterbating? A: You paint his dick Arizona red and he won't beat it for 4 years!
Q: Why do the Seattle Seahawks want to change their name to the Seattle Tampons? A: Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!
Q: What's the difference between the Seattle Seahawks & the Taliban? A: The Taliban has a running game!
Q: Where do you go in Seattle in case of a tornado? A: Qwest Field - they never get a touchdown there! Q. Why do ducks fly over Qwest Field upside down? A. There's nothing worth craping on!
Q: Why doesn't Tacoma have a professional football team? A: Because then Seattle would want one.
Q: Why are Seattle Seahawks jokes getting dumb and dumber? A: Because Seahawks fans have started to make them up themselves.
Q: What's the difference between Seattle Seahawks fans and mosquitoes? A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.
Buy my book!
Mundane Journeys through an Amazing World begins with Interstate 80. Not the most engaging topic, I know, but when you think about it, I-80 runs all the way across the North American continent linking San Francisco and New York. It's not just a ribbon of asphalt, it's a portal to far away, almost magical places.
My visits to major cities like Tokyo, London and Washington DC have been business affairs. I haven't rode a lot of roller coasters or ridden in open air buses, but I have visited with senators, bought yams from the back of a truck and barely escaped complete embarrassment when I was introduced to Matt Wiener in Vegas.
As I wrote the book I realized that over the years exotic, distant places have become more like the mundane places I've called home. But, as it turns out, there really aren't any mundane places, only mundane ways of looking at things.
If you have the cost of a latte and a Kindle, you can buy a copy at Amazon by
clicking here.
Or buy it in print!
Mundane Journeys Trade Paperback
Editor's Note: Be sure to check out my blog at
michaelbissell.com/blog -- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make
the world... nutty.
Today's blog: Being Watched by TV
Follow @bissell and @jokeindex on Twitter
