15 iBank app tracks how many organs you'll need to sell to pay off the cost of it.
14 Keeps popping up messages give you the address of someone named Sara Conner.
13 Reassurance Generator application continually reminds you that you are indeed smarter *and* cooler than a Windows user.
12 Continuous GPS monitoring of Paris Hilton.
11 When the new iPhone model comes out in four months, you can put this one under the short leg of a table to make it perfectly level.
10 Renders certain other hand-held devices inoperable with "Blackberry Jam" feature.
9 Flipped upside down, it doubles as a Fleshlight.
8 Plus: Beatles ringtones put money in Paul McCartney's pocket.
Minus: Beatles ringtones put money in Yoko Ono's pocket.
7 Tghe toiuchsxcreenb keytpadf isd reaslklyt accuyraterf abnd eadsy toi usre.
6 Comes pre-loaded with naked pictures of Peter Jackson, Kevin Smith and the cast of "Star Trek: The Next Generation."
5 iEyeMe feature provides a separate hand-held mirror so you can admire yourself using your iPhone, you groovy geek, you!
4 Everyone invited to come to Steve Jobs' compound for free Kool-Aid. Or else.
3 For some reason, calls made with the new iVideoPhone feature always show a close-up of the calling party's inner ear.
2 Comes with a trophy stand so it'll look great next to your CB radio, quadrophonic 8-track and laser disc player next year.
#1 Surprise Features of the iPhone...
1 Automatically dials 911 whenever those mean PC bullies kick your dweeby ass.
Buy my book!
Mundane Journeys through an Amazing World begins with Interstate 80. Not the most engaging topic, I know, but when you think about it, I-80 runs all the way across the North American continent linking San Francisco and New York. It's not just a ribbon of asphalt, it's a portal to far away, almost magical places.
My visits to major cities like Tokyo, London and Washington DC have been business affairs. I haven't rode a lot of roller coasters or ridden in open air buses, but I have visited with senators, bought yams from the back of a truck and barely escaped complete embarrassment when I was introduced to Matt Wiener in Vegas.
As I wrote the book I realized that over the years exotic, distant places have become more like the mundane places I've called home. But, as it turns out, there really aren't any mundane places, only mundane ways of looking at things.
If you have the cost of a latte and a Kindle, you can buy a copy at Amazon by
clicking here.
Or buy it in print!
Mundane Journeys Trade Paperback
Editor's Note: Be sure to check out my blog at
michaelbissell.com/blog -- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make
the world... nutty.
Today's blog: Being Watched by TV
Follow @bissell and @jokeindex on Twitter
