15> Entire library stock replaced by 50,000 copies of "Yes, I Can" by Sammy Davis, Jr.
14> Half-dozen recently-extracted tongues stapled to the "Quiet Please" sign.
13> Recommends Kato Kaelin's book.
12> Instead of scanning barcode on book at checkout, seductively licks the inside cover.
11> Library only has two sections: "Limbaugh" and "Liddy."
10> Inserts boudoir photos of herself in copies of Gray's Anatomy.
9> When you ask for an appendix, she winks suggestively and shows you her scar.
8> Replaces the overdue book fine with canings from the "Rod of Literary Tardiness".
7> Files Art Buchwald under "Humor"
6> Always doing donuts with the bookmobile in the video store parking lot.
5> No matter what book you ask for, she hands you a piece of toast and a Q-tip.
4> Uses the "Dewer's Decimal System", which involves regular belts of scotch.
3> Instead of a simple "Shhhh", uses a bullhorn to say, "One more sound and I cap yo' ass!"
2> Flashes patrons and yells, "Hey! Check *this* out!"
1> Leans over to whisper something and bites off half of your right ear.
Buy my book!
Mundane Journeys through an Amazing World begins with Interstate 80. Not the most engaging topic, I know, but when you think about it, I-80 runs all the way across the North American continent linking San Francisco and New York. It's not just a ribbon of asphalt, it's a portal to far away, almost magical places.
My visits to major cities like Tokyo, London and Washington DC have been business affairs. I haven't rode a lot of roller coasters or ridden in open air buses, but I have visited with senators, bought yams from the back of a truck and barely escaped complete embarrassment when I was introduced to Matt Wiener in Vegas.
As I wrote the book I realized that over the years exotic, distant places have become more like the mundane places I've called home. But, as it turns out, there really aren't any mundane places, only mundane ways of looking at things.
If you have the cost of a latte and a Kindle, you can buy a copy at Amazon by
clicking here.
Or buy it in print!
Mundane Journeys Trade Paperback
Editor's Note: Be sure to check out my blog at
michaelbissell.com/blog -- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make
the world... nutty.
Today's blog: Being Watched by TV
Follow @bissell and @jokeindex on Twitter
