The reason it's always so difficult for this president to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth is because it's usually three different stories. --Sam Donaldson
If the president could convince every woman in America that the Bible says oral sex is not adultery, he'd even have my vote. --Newt Gingrich
What's wrong with extending my probe? The president did the same thing. --Kenneth Starr
The special prosecutor is asking me to give oral testimony to the entire Grand Jury. --Monica Lewinsky
Shouldn't the president be held to the same standards as a TV sportscaster? --Marv Albert
The president should promise to spend the rest of his life trying to find the real person who had oral sex with the intern. --OJ Simpson
If I had to spend all day trying to find jobs for every bimbo who swore she didn't have sex with the president, I'd never get any of my own work done. --Vernon Jordan
The president should take up skiing. --Al Gore
If you're looking for me this week, I'll be in the bunker. --Saddam Hussein
Practicing safe sex in the Clinton White House means making sure the door is locked. --George Stephanopoulos
In last week's Cabinet meeting, the president asked us to go out and win one for the zipper. --Madeliene 'Aunt Bea' Albright
Buy my book!
Mundane Journeys through an Amazing World begins with Interstate 80. Not the most engaging topic, I know, but when you think about it, I-80 runs all the way across the North American continent linking San Francisco and New York. It's not just a ribbon of asphalt, it's a portal to far away, almost magical places.
My visits to major cities like Tokyo, London and Washington DC have been business affairs. I haven't rode a lot of roller coasters or ridden in open air buses, but I have visited with senators, bought yams from the back of a truck and barely escaped complete embarrassment when I was introduced to Matt Wiener in Vegas.
As I wrote the book I realized that over the years exotic, distant places have become more like the mundane places I've called home. But, as it turns out, there really aren't any mundane places, only mundane ways of looking at things.
If you have the cost of a latte and a Kindle, you can buy a copy at Amazon by
clicking here.
Or buy it in print!
Mundane Journeys Trade Paperback
Editor's Note: Be sure to check out my blog at
michaelbissell.com/blog -- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make
the world... nutty.
Today's blog: Being Watched by TV
Follow @bissell and @jokeindex on Twitter
