#1 Once you have their money... never give it back.
#3 Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.
#6 Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
#7 Keep your ears open.
#8 Small print leads to large risk.
#9 Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
#10 Greed is eternal.
#13 Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
#16 A deal is a deal... until a better one comes along.
#18 A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
#19 Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
#21 Never place friendship above profit.
#22 A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
#27 There's nothing more dangerous than an honest business man.
#31 Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother... insult something he cares about instead.
#33 It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
#34 Peace is good for business.
#35 War is good for business.
#40 She can touch your lobes but never your latinum.
#41 Profit is it's own reward.
#44 Never confuse luck with wisdom.
#47 Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
#48 The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
#52 Never ask when you can take.
#57 Good customers are as rare as latinum - treasure them.
#58 There is no substitute for success.
#59 Free advice is seldom cheap.
#60 Keep your lies consistent.
#62 The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
#65 Win or lose, there's always Huyperian beetle snuff.
#75 Home is where the heart is... but the stars are made of latinum.
#76 Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.
#79 Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
#82 The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
#85 Never let the competition know what your thinking.
#89 Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.
#94 Females and finances don't mix.
#97 Enough... is never enough.
#99 Trust is the biggest liability of all.
#102 Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever.
#104 Faith moves mountains... of inventory.
#106 There is no honor in poverty.
#109 Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
#111 Treat people in your debt like family... exploit them.
#112 Never have sex with the bosses sister.
#113 Always have sex with the boss.
#117 You can't free a fish from water.
#121 Everything is for sale, even friendship.
#123 Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.
#139 Wives serve, brothers inherit.
#141 Only fools pay retail.
#144 There's nothing wrong with charity... as long as it winds up in your pocket.
#162 Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit.
#177 Know your enemies... but do business with them always.
#181 Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
#189 Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
#190 Hear all, believe nothing.
#192 Never cheat a Klingon... unless your sure you can get away with it.
#194 It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in the door.
#202 The justification for profit is profit.
#203 New customers are like razor-toothed Gree worms, they may be succulent, but sometimes they bite.
#214 Never begin a negotiation on an empty stomach.
#218 Always know what your buying.
#223 Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.
#229 Latinum lasts longer than lust.
#236 You can't buy fate.
#242 More is good... all is better.
#255 A wife is a luxury... a smart accountant a necessity.
#261 A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
#266 When in doubt, lie.
#284 Deep down everyone's a Ferengi.
#285 No good deed goes unpunished.
Buy my book!
Mundane Journeys through an Amazing World begins with Interstate 80. Not the most engaging topic, I know, but when you think about it, I-80 runs all the way across the North American continent linking San Francisco and New York. It's not just a ribbon of asphalt, it's a portal to far away, almost magical places.
My visits to major cities like Tokyo, London and Washington DC have been business affairs. I haven't rode a lot of roller coasters or ridden in open air buses, but I have visited with senators, bought yams from the back of a truck and barely escaped complete embarrassment when I was introduced to Matt Wiener in Vegas.
As I wrote the book I realized that over the years exotic, distant places have become more like the mundane places I've called home. But, as it turns out, there really aren't any mundane places, only mundane ways of looking at things.
If you have the cost of a latte and a Kindle, you can buy a copy at Amazon by
clicking here.
Or buy it in print!
Mundane Journeys Trade Paperback
Editor's Note: Be sure to check out my blog at
michaelbissell.com/blog -- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make
the world... nutty.
Today's blog: Being Watched by TV
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