Santa's problems witth the 12 days of Christmas

Santa's problems witth the 12 days of Christmas (R)

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Christmas

Santa Claus Ltd
North Pole
December 1999

Dear Mary:

I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year, and since you have, I will be telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree on Christmas.

I was going to bring you all the gifts from the "Twelve Days of Christmas," but we have a little problem up here. The Twelve Fiddlers fiddling have all come down with STD's from fiddling with the Ten Ladies Dancing; the Eleven Lords a Leaping have knocked up the Eight Maids a Milking; the Nine Pipers Playing have been arrested for doing weird things to the Seven Swans a Swimming ...

Even worse! The Six Geese a Laying, Four Calling Birds, Three French Hens, Two Turtle Doves, and the Partridge In a Pear Tree have me up to my ass in bird crap!

On top of all this, Mrs. Claus is going through the menopause; eight of my reindeer are in heat; the elves have joined the Gay Liberation Movement, and those dumb-ass Liberals have scheduled Christmas in Sydney for the 5th of January.

... Nevertheless, hope YOU have a merry Christmas!

Yours faithfully,

Santa

Chief Executive Officer

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Editor's Note: Be sure to check out my blog at michael.bissell.conquent.com/blog -- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make the world... nutty.