Never accept a drink from a urologist. -Erma Bombeck
Never say anything on the phone that you wouldn't want your mother to hear at your trial. -Sydney Biddle Barrows, the 'Mayflower Madam'
Never say 'Oops' in the operating room. - Dr. Leo Troy
Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words 'large' or 'size' with 'rear end'. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me on this. -Tim Allen
Never wear a backward baseball cap to an interview unless applying for the job of umpire. -Dan Zevin
Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day. -Harry S. Truman
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with something bigger and heavier. -Anonymous
Never thrust your sickle into another's corn. -Publius Syrus
Never drive through a small Southern town at 100mph with the local sheriff's drunken 16-year-old daughter on your lap. -Anonymous member of a chain gang
Never invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear. It annoys them very much. -G.K. Chesterton
Never use while sleeping. -Instruction on Conair hair dryer
Never play peekaboo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, 'Look, it's always gonna be me!' -Rita Rudner
Never murder a man when he's busy committing suicide. -Woodrow Wilson
Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room. -Winston Churchill
Never stand between a dog and the hydrant. -John Peers
Never take a job where winter winds can blow up your pants. -Geraldo Rivera
Never give up. And never, under any circumstances, face the facts. - Ruth Gordon
Never pick a fight with anyone who buys ink by the barrel. -American adage about antagonizing newspaper editors.
I take old Starbucks Drink Cups and turn them into Lamps
The warm panels are made from melting down old Starbucks drink cups, but it looks and feels like mica or some organic material. The wood in the lampshade and base is pulled from our 100 year old house in Astoria Oregon during a remodel, and it all comes together for a beautiful, classic look.
Editor's Note: Be sure to check out my blog at michaelbissell.com/blog
-- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make
the world... nutty.