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How to install a Southern Home Security System (G)

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G rated jokes
1) Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of 14-16 men's work boots.

2) Place them on your front porch along with a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine.

3) Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines

4) Leave a note on the door that reads:


Me and Marcel, Donnie Ray and Jimmy Earl went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour. Don't mess up with the pit bulls. they got the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood.

Anyway, I loced all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.

Be right back.


I take old Starbucks Drink Cups and
turn them into Lamps

The warm panels are made from melting down old Starbucks drink cups, but it looks and feels like mica or some organic material. The wood in the lampshade and base is pulled from our 100 year old house in Astoria Oregon during a remodel, and it all comes together for a beautiful, classic look.

Check it out!

Editor's Note: Be sure to check out my blog at -- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make the world... nutty.

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