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Affimrations from the outer limits (PG)

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God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they really pissed me off!

Cats teach us that not everything in nature has a function.

Seize the day…then go back to bed!

Don’t take life so seriously. It’s not permanent.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Money can’t buy happiness. But is sure makes misery easier to live with.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can put on someone else’s desk today.

Therapy is expensive. Poppin’ bubble wrap is cheap. You choose!

Dogs come when you call. Cats have answering machines and never get back to you.

It takes 42 muscles to frown but only four to extend my middle finger and tell someone to bite me!

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Editor's Note: Be sure to check out my blog at -- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make the world... nutty.

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