A Canadian study shows that smokers seem to have smaller penises, due to the smoking.
Health Canada should take note of that penis study.
There is no doubt that news of reduced size and endurance, if properly advertised, will end smoking once and for all in the male population ... of this man hath no greater fear.
To save taxpayers a whole bunch of money, we asked the Page Six Research and Jingle Division -- currently out stocking up on nicotine gum and Viagra -- to create some new lines for those government warnings on cigarette packs.
Here's what came up.
* These cigarettes are king size -- and you're not.
* Smoking sections in restaurants aren't the only things getting smaller.
* If you don't reduce your smoking, your smoking will reduce you.
* Smoking may lead to ridicule on your honeymoon.
* Smoke rises -- you may not.
* Second-hand smoke can be harmful to children -- if you were capable of conceiving any.
* Cigarettes get shorter the more you puff -- so do you.
* How can you enjoy a smoke afterwards if there's no before?
* The only thing left after a smoke is a dead stub.
* Don't throw lit cigarettes in the urinal -- you might not have the range to put them out.
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Editor's Note: Be sure to check out my blog at michaelbissell.com/blog
-- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make
the world... nutty.