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7 signs the santa at the mall is nuts (PG)

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* Every so often, snaps into a Slim Jim and growls, "You've been bad and now you're goin' down, punk!"

* Keeps going on about how the New York Times should publish his 35,000 word list of who's naughty and nice.

* Despite massive photographic evidence to the contrary, claims to have never worn white gloves or shiny black boots.

* Right before souvenir photo is snapped, he whispers, "This year, you ain't gettin' squat!"

* When kids say, "My daddy says you're not really Santa," he responds with, "He's not really your daddy."

* That snowy beard? Nothin' but nose hair.

* While it's admittedly a nifty trick, blowing smoke rings out of his tracheotomy hole is just scaring the kiddies.

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