The Top 13 Changes at Microsoft as a Result of Antitrust Charges
13 Microsoft offices no longer providing toilet paper bearing Netscape logo.
12 Follow-up release to 'IE4' now being referred to internally as 'IE,5-10, with time off for good behavior.'
11 Before devouring competitors, must now say: 'pretty please with jam on top'
10 Cancellation of planned ad campaign: 'You'll think what we TELL you to think!'
9 Company United Way contributions redirected towards the 'Let's Buy The US Government' fund.
8 Plans quietly tabled to begin marketing: MSFood, MSClothing and MSShelter
7 10:00 AM: Barksdale visits Gates's office to sign landmark settlement agreement. 10:05 AM: Piranhas beneath trap door get some lunch.
6 Bumper stickers removed from corporate limousines which read. 'I don't break for software companies'
5 Internal memos no longer refer to Janet Reno as 'liquor addled she-male.'
4 Kick back for a while, let loser companies catch up.
3 Now relegated to making large piles of cash, down from huge buttwads of cash.
2 Using honesty, humility and cooperation, allow one small competitor to show a modest profit for three straight quarters. Then when they're lulled, club 'em to death like a baby seal.
1 Tables turned in jail, where Bill Gates has no choice but to have 'Big Louie's Inmate Explorer' installed against *his* will.
I take old Starbucks Drink Cups and turn them into Lamps
The warm panels are made from melting down old Starbucks drink cups, but it looks and feels like mica or some organic material. The wood in the lampshade and base is pulled from our 100 year old house in Astoria Oregon during a remodel, and it all comes together for a beautiful, classic look.
Editor's Note: Be sure to check out my blog at
michaelbissell.com/blog -- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make
the world... nutty.