Doggie Quotes (G)
'Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies.' Gene Hill
'Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.' Dave Barry
'I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl.' Penny Ward Moser
'Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend, and inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.' Groucho Marx.
'To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.' Aldous Huxley
'A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.' Robert Benchley
'Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.' Sue Murphy
'Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering if there really is a Dog?' Unknown
'I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.' Unknown
'I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.' August Strindberg
'No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.' Fran Lebowitz
'Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!' Anne Tyler
'I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.' Rita Rudner
'My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money.' Joe Weinstein
'If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.' James Thurber
'You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets.' Nora Ephron
'Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.' Ann Landers
'Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.' Robert A. Heinlein
'In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.' Dereke Bruce
'Of all the things I miss from veterinary practice, puppy breath is one of the most fond memories!' Dr. Tom Cat
'There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.' Ben Williams
'When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.' Edward Abbey
'Cat's Motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.' Unknown
'Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.' Unknown
'No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.' Christopher Morley
'A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.' Josh Billings
'Man is a dog's idea of what God should be.' Holbrook Jackson
'The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.' Andrew A. Rooney
'He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion' Unknown
'Heaven goes by favour. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.' Mark Twain
'I care not for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not the better for it.' Abraham Lincoln
'If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.' Unknown
'If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.' Mark Twain
'Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane.' Smiley Blanton
'I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt,and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts.' John Steinbeck
Buy my book!
Mundane Journeys through an Amazing World
begins with Interstate 80. Not the most engaging topic, I know, but when you think about it, I-80 runs all the way across the North American continent linking San Francisco and New York. It's not just a ribbon of asphalt, it's a portal to far away, almost magical places.
My visits to major cities like Tokyo, London and Washington DC have been business affairs. I haven't rode a lot of roller coasters or ridden in open air buses, but I have visited with senators, bought yams from the back of a truck and barely escaped complete embarrassment when I was introduced to Matt Wiener in Vegas.
As I wrote the book I realized that over the years exotic, distant places have become more like the mundane places I've called home. But, as it turns out, there really aren't any mundane places, only mundane ways of looking at things.
If you have the cost of a latte and a Kindle, you can buy a copy at Amazon by clicking here.
Or buy it in print! Mundane Journeys Trade Paperback
Be sure to check out my blog at
-- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make
the world... nutty.
Today's blog: Historical Figures in Modern Clothes
Follow @bissell and @jokeindex on Twitter