1.) Ray Rice's wife just set up a website for victims of domestic violence.
She got 200 hits in the first hour.
2.) Ray Rice is gonna pursue a career as a rapper now.
I don't think Janay is gonna like his hits.
3.) Ray Rice is getting his own show on the Food Network.
It's called "Can't Cook? Left Hook!"
4.) What's Ray Rice's favorite drink?
5.) If you can't beat em, join em. If you CAN beat em, it's because you're Ray Rice.
6.) If Janay leaves Ray Rice, she'll literally be a hit single.
7.) What does Ray Rice and Chris Brown have in common?
"Beat it" on their iPods.
8.) Why is Janay Rice lousy with directions?
She can't take a left.
9.) Bartender just made me a drink called a "Ray Rice"
Whew, this thing really packs a punch.
10.) Trapping youself in an elevator while a man twice your size beats you.
They call that the Rice Bucket Challenge.
11.) I cut the sleeves off my Ray Rice jersey.
Now it's a wifebeater.
12.) Why does Janay hate smoking weed?
Because she can't take a hit.
13.) What's Ray Rice's favorite song ever?
"Shut up" by the 'Black eyed' Peas.
14.) What's Janay's favorite song ever?
"Hit me with your best shot"
15.) What's the difference between Janay and an elevator?
When Janay Rice goes down, she doesn't go back up.
16.) What happens when Ray Rice gets in your elevator?
You don't remember it.
17.) It's a custom for people to throw rice at weddings.
It's a custom for Ray Rice to throw punches before weddings.
18.) How do you heal a bruise left by Ray Rice?
You use a Ricepack.
19.) What do you call it when Ray Rice throws punches in an elevator full of mexicans?
Red beans and rice.
20.) What happens when Janay Rice enters an airplane?
It goes the fuck down.
21.) How long does it take Ray Rice to get mad?
About 3 floors.
22.) How hard does Ray Rice punch?
23.) What do you call it when Ray Rice beats his pregnant wife?
24.) Janay Rice has her own line of headphones.
It's called "Beats" by Ray.
25.) How did Janay find out Ray was cheating on her?
She could taste lipstick on his knuckles.
26.) What does Ray Rice do when his dishwasher stops working?
He beats her in an elevator.
I take old Starbucks Drink Cups and turn them into Lamps
The warm panels are made from melting down old Starbucks drink cups, but it looks and feels like mica or some organic material. The wood in the lampshade and base is pulled from our 100 year old house in Astoria Oregon during a remodel, and it all comes together for a beautiful, classic look.
Editor's Note: Be sure to check out my blog at
michaelbissell.com/blog -- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make
the world... nutty.