Bachmann Proposes Slashing Half of Alphabet (G)
Vowels Are Not Free, Says Tea Party Favorite
WASHINGTON (The PDX) Fresh from the Tea Partys triumph in the recent debt ceiling fight, Tea Party favorite Michele Bachmann (R-Minn) set the stage for another budget-cutting battle today, proposing that the Federal government slash half the alphabet over the next four years.
The days of living large with a 26-letter alphabet are over, Rep. Bachmann said. As anyone who watches Wheel of Fortune knows, vowels are not free.
If the Tea Party proposal becomes law, the United States will have to make do with only thirteen letters by as early as 2015, Rep. Bachmann said.
The push to slash letters from the alphabet already has broad support among the Tea Party faithful, who find the overabundance of letters an annoyance when it comes to composing protest signs.
Rep. Bachmann said that there would be tremendous cost savings with a thirteen-letter alphabet, or afbat, as she called it.
With fewer letters, we would have fewer books, fewer schools, and lower taxes, she said. Although we will have no taxes at all once we eliminate the letter X.
Critics of the plan argue that it goes too far, since cutting the letter X would eliminate not only taxes but also the entire state of Texas.
But for his part, Texas Governor Rick Perry seemed unfazed by that possibility: I would be proud to be Governor of the great state of Teas.
Elsewhere, at the White House Vice President Joe Biden offered an apology for his remark about the Tea Party: Did I say terrorists? I meant axe-murderers.
Buy my book!
Mundane Journeys through an Amazing World
begins with Interstate 80. Not the most engaging topic, I know, but when you think about it, I-80 runs all the way across the North American continent linking San Francisco and New York. It's not just a ribbon of asphalt, it's a portal to far away, almost magical places.
My visits to major cities like Tokyo, London and Washington DC have been business affairs. I haven't rode a lot of roller coasters or ridden in open air buses, but I have visited with senators, bought yams from the back of a truck and barely escaped complete embarrassment when I was introduced to Matt Wiener in Vegas.
As I wrote the book I realized that over the years exotic, distant places have become more like the mundane places I've called home. But, as it turns out, there really aren't any mundane places, only mundane ways of looking at things.
If you have the cost of a latte and a Kindle, you can buy a copy at Amazon by clicking here.
Or buy it in print! Mundane Journeys Trade Paperback
Be sure to check out my blog at
-- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make
the world... nutty.
Today's blog: Historical Figures in Modern Clothes
Follow @bissell and @jokeindex on Twitter