Bill Gates Goes to Hell (version 12,634,957.2) (G)
Bill Gates passes this mortal coil and to nobody's surprise including his own, arrives in hell.
Satan greets him: 'Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Frankly releasing Windows 95 two years early, would by itself, have landed you here. But enough of that.
'You've arrived on a day when I'm in a good mood, so I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever.'
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a beautiful young blonde with an alluring look on her face, sitting at a table on which there is a bottle of the finest wine. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner.
Without hesitation, Bill says 'I'll take this option.'
'Fine,' says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan then locks the door.
As Satan turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. 'That was Bill Gates!' cried Lucifer. 'Why did you give him the best place of all!'
'That's what everyone thinks' snickered Satan.
'The bottle has a hole in it and the girl hasn't!'
'What about the PC?'
'It's got Windows NT!' laughed Satan. 'And it's missing three keys,'
'Control, Alt and Delete.'
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Mundane Journeys through an Amazing World
begins with Interstate 80. Not the most engaging topic, I know, but when you think about it, I-80 runs all the way across the North American continent linking San Francisco and New York. It's not just a ribbon of asphalt, it's a portal to far away, almost magical places.
My visits to major cities like Tokyo, London and Washington DC have been business affairs. I haven't rode a lot of roller coasters or ridden in open air buses, but I have visited with senators, bought yams from the back of a truck and barely escaped complete embarrassment when I was introduced to Matt Wiener in Vegas.
As I wrote the book I realized that over the years exotic, distant places have become more like the mundane places I've called home. But, as it turns out, there really aren't any mundane places, only mundane ways of looking at things.
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