Tom Swifties (G)
Tom Swifties are a kind of a pun where the way the speaker is described makes the quote into a pun...
"I need a pencil sharpener," said Tom bluntly.
"Oops! There goes my hat!" said Tom off the top of his head.
"I can no longer hear anything," said Tom deftly.
"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.
"This must be an aerobics class," Tom worked out.
"I'm wearing my wedding ring," said Tom with abandon.
"Who would want to steal modern art?" asked Tom abstractedly.
"Now I can chop down that tree," said Tom with a heavy accent.
"Let's all play an A, a C sharp, and an E," cried Tom's band with one accord.
"I gave the donkey some vinegar," said Tom acidly.
"There's room for one more," Tom admitted.
"They are not answering - we'd better try the knocker," said Tom adoringly.
"Fire!" yelled Tom alarmingly.
"I'm halfway up a mountain," Tom alleged.
"There's no need for silence," Tom allowed.
"It's a unit of electric current," said Tom amply.
"These are the propulsion systems used by NASA for the moonshots," said Tom apologetically.
"My investments are worth more every day," said Tom appreciatively.
"I'll take that," said Tom appropriately.
"It's between my sole and my heel," said Tom archly.
"You have the right to remain silent," said Tom arrestingly.
"The cheque is in the post," Tom assented.
"This boat is leaking," said Tom balefully.
"Give me a haircut," Tom said barbarously.
"I'm losing my hair," Tom bawled.
"I have to keep this fire alight," Tom bellowed.
"I don't think it deserves a 10," Tom said beratingly.
"I've only enough carpet for the hall and landing," said Tom with a blank stare.
"" said Tom blankly.
"Sure I can climb cliffs!" Tom bluffed.
"This wind is awful," blustered Tom.
"Are you all governors?" Tom asked, bored.
"I still haven't struck oil," said Tom boringly.
"This is mutiny!" said Tom bountifully.
"I fought with Geronimo," said Tom bravely.
"I presented my case to the judge," Tom said briefly.
"Use your own toothbrush!" Tom bristled.
Buy my book!
Mundane Journeys through an Amazing World
begins with Interstate 80. Not the most engaging topic, I know, but when you think about it, I-80 runs all the way across the North American continent linking San Francisco and New York. It's not just a ribbon of asphalt, it's a portal to far away, almost magical places.
My visits to major cities like Tokyo, London and Washington DC have been business affairs. I haven't rode a lot of roller coasters or ridden in open air buses, but I have visited with senators, bought yams from the back of a truck and barely escaped complete embarrassment when I was introduced to Matt Wiener in Vegas.
As I wrote the book I realized that over the years exotic, distant places have become more like the mundane places I've called home. But, as it turns out, there really aren't any mundane places, only mundane ways of looking at things.
If you have the cost of a latte and a Kindle, you can buy a copy at Amazon by clicking here.
Or buy it in print! Mundane Journeys Trade Paperback
Be sure to check out my blog at
-- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make
the world... nutty.
Today's blog: Tribal Amnesia
Follow @bissell and @jokeindex on Twitter