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Tom Swifties (G)

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G rated jokes
Tom Swifties are a kind of a pun where the way the speaker is described makes the quote into a pun...

"I need a pencil sharpener," said Tom bluntly.

"Oops! There goes my hat!" said Tom off the top of his head.

"I can no longer hear anything," said Tom deftly.

"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.

"This must be an aerobics class," Tom worked out.

"I'm wearing my wedding ring," said Tom with abandon.

"Who would want to steal modern art?" asked Tom abstractedly.

"Now I can chop down that tree," said Tom with a heavy accent.

"Let's all play an A, a C sharp, and an E," cried Tom's band with one accord.

"I gave the donkey some vinegar," said Tom acidly.

"There's room for one more," Tom admitted.

"They are not answering - we'd better try the knocker," said Tom adoringly.

"Fire!" yelled Tom alarmingly.

"I'm halfway up a mountain," Tom alleged.

"There's no need for silence," Tom allowed.

"It's a unit of electric current," said Tom amply.

"These are the propulsion systems used by NASA for the moonshots," said Tom apologetically.

"My investments are worth more every day," said Tom appreciatively.

"I'll take that," said Tom appropriately.

"It's between my sole and my heel," said Tom archly.

"You have the right to remain silent," said Tom arrestingly.

"The cheque is in the post," Tom assented.

"This boat is leaking," said Tom balefully.

"Give me a haircut," Tom said barbarously.

"I'm losing my hair," Tom bawled.

"I have to keep this fire alight," Tom bellowed.

"I don't think it deserves a 10," Tom said beratingly.

"I've only enough carpet for the hall and landing," said Tom with a blank stare.

"" said Tom blankly.

"Sure I can climb cliffs!" Tom bluffed.

"This wind is awful," blustered Tom.

"Are you all governors?" Tom asked, bored.

"I still haven't struck oil," said Tom boringly.

"This is mutiny!" said Tom bountifully.

"I fought with Geronimo," said Tom bravely.

"I presented my case to the judge," Tom said briefly.

"Use your own toothbrush!" Tom bristled.

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