1> Group: Anorexics Anonymous. You: Big chubby guy with an affinity for cheesecake.
2> Only half an hour into the meeting, and the keg's already dry.
3> Counselor greets you with, "Well, if it isn't Princess Pathetic!"
4> Their idea of 12 Steps involves two six-packs.
5> Instead of Mars & Venus, leader suggests you get in touch with Uranus.
6> You're host of the upcoming pool party for your Incontinent Beer-Drinkers Support Group.
7> They've voted to change their name to "Cathie Haters Anonymous."
8> Your Heart Attack Recovery Group counselor hasn't moved in three weeks and is starting to smell a little gamey.
9> Four months and the Nymphomania Group still hasn't recruited a female member.
10> Their 12-step program: "Put your right foot in, take your right foot out, put your right foot in, then you shake it all about..."
11> "Parents Without Partners" survey: 18 members, 18 beards.
12> The washroom towels at your Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meeting all say, "Holiday Inn."
13> None of the other sex addicts really understand how tough it is to run the damn country.
14> "The 'Making Your Marriage Work' seminar is happy to introduce our guest speaker, Larry King."
15> The name: Promise Breakers
16> You start to wonder if other Overeaters Anonymous groups stop their meetings for triple-bacon-cheeseburger breaks.
Here's what I did stuck at home...
I got bored just puttering in my shop, so I thought I'd take that old lattice in the back yard and nail it to the wall. Actually turned out pretty cool
Editor's Note: Be sure to check out my blog at
michaelbissell.com/blog -- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make
the world... nutty.