You Know You're From Utah When..... (PG)
Green jell-o with carrots mixed in doesn't seem strange.
You can pronounce Tooele.
The U is not just a letter - Neither is the Y.
You are not surprised to hear words like "Darn, Fetch, Flip", "Oh, My Heck" and "Shoot".
Your tulips get snowed on three times after they come up and twice more after they bloom.
Hunting season is a school holiday.
The largest liquor store is the state government.
You can go skiing and play golf on the same day.
30% humidity is muggy and almost unbearable.
Somewhere in your family tree is a polygamist.
You know the difference between a 'Steak House' and a 'Stake House'.
You can see the stars at night
You were an aunt or uncle before you were three.
Your spouse's mother was pregnant at your wedding.
You have more children than you can find biblical names for.
Your family considers a trip to McDonald's a night out..
Your first child was conceived on your honeymoon.
You drink Coke from a brown paper bag.
You consider a temple recommend a credit reference.
You believe that you must be 18 or older to order coffee at a restaurant.
You wonder why fire truck drivers honk when you drive 35 mph in the left lane on the freeway.
You think Jack Daniels is a country western singer.
You can make Jell-O salad without the recipe.
You have two gallons of ice cream in your freezer at all times.
Your father-in-law thinks Ronald Reagan was a liberal.
Cars in the slow lane are traveling the fastest; cars in the fast lane are traveling the slowest; cars in the middle lanes are always trying to exit.
You have to ask for the uncensored version of "Titanic."
Hotel rooms all have the Book of Mormon.
You buy your wardrobe at the local grocery superstore.
You learn about the Mormon Church by taking history in elementary school.
Schools stay open, even if two feet of snow falls overnight, but close for the opening of hunting season.
People wear shorts and T-shirts if the temperature rises above 32 degrees.
There is a church on every corner, but they all teach the same thing.
The most popular public transportation system is a ski lift.
People drive to Idaho (or Arizona) to pick up a gallon of milk so they can play the lottery.
In-state college football rivalries are bigger than the Super Bowl.
Every driveway has a minivan and a pickup truck.
When you buy a new vehicle, cigarette lighters are optional equipment but gun and ski racks are standard.
Every time a new family moves into your neighborhood, the local elementary school has to hire a new teacher.
Your paycheck has an additional 10 percent deduction.
"Temple recommends" is acceptable identification for cashing a check.
More movies are filmed in your town than in Hollywood.
You make a toast with red punch at your wedding reception.
You have more raw wheat stored than some Third World countries.
Your idea of a good time is playing Pictionary in the cultural hall.
Your idea of a wild party is a six pack of Pepsi and a PG-13 movie.
You measure Kool-Aid by parts per million.
You think "You're a 10 cow wife" is a compliment.
Buy my book!
Mundane Journeys through an Amazing World
begins with Interstate 80. Not the most engaging topic, I know, but when you think about it, I-80 runs all the way across the North American continent linking San Francisco and New York. It's not just a ribbon of asphalt, it's a portal to far away, almost magical places.
My visits to major cities like Tokyo, London and Washington DC have been business affairs. I haven't rode a lot of roller coasters or ridden in open air buses, but I have visited with senators, bought yams from the back of a truck and barely escaped complete embarrassment when I was introduced to Matt Wiener in Vegas.
As I wrote the book I realized that over the years exotic, distant places have become more like the mundane places I've called home. But, as it turns out, there really aren't any mundane places, only mundane ways of looking at things.
If you have the cost of a latte and a Kindle, you can buy a copy at Amazon by clicking here.
Or buy it in print! Mundane Journeys Trade Paperback
Be sure to check out my blog at
-- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make
the world... nutty.
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