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I worked with an individual who plugged their power strip back into itself and for the life of them could not understand why their computer would not turn on.

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked. She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery in this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery for this?' 'Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked. 'No, just this remote 'thingy,'' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.

As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries...it's a long walk.'

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Tech Support: 'What does the screen say now.'

Person: 'It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'.'

Tech Support: 'Well?'

Person: 'How do I know when it's ready?'

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My friend called his car insurance company to tell them to change his address from Texas to Vermont. The woman who took the call asked where Vermont was. As he tried to explain, she interrupted and said, 'Look, I'm not stupid or anything, but what state is it in?'

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Several years ago we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I ?' 'Just use copier paper,' she told him. With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.

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I was working the help desk. One day one of the computer operators called me and asked if anything 'bad' would happen if she dropped coins into the openings of her PC. I asked her if this was something she was thinking of doing. She said, 'never mind' and hung up.

So I got out my trusty tool kit and paid her a visit. I opened her CPU case and sure enough, there was 40 cents.

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One of our servers crashed. I was watching our new system administrator trying to restore it. He inserted a CD and needed to type a path name to a directory named 'i386.' He started to type it and paused, asking me, 'Where's the key for that line thing?'

I asked what he was talking about, and he said, 'You know, that one that looks like an upside-down exclamation mark.' I replied, 'You mean the letter 'i'?' and he said, 'Yeah, that's it!'

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This person had a broken lamp which he wanted to discard. Unfortunately, the power cord ran under his refrigerator, making it impossible to move the lamp while the cord was attached. He decided to cut the cord, since the lamp was unusable anyway. He didn't remember to unplug it first. I found him in the hallway rolling back and forth.

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I was in a car dealership a while ago when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in 'Twister.'

I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the cruise control, then went in back to make a sandwich.

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I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, 'Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?'

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I rented a movie from Blockbuster. Before the movie begins a message comes on the screen saying, 'This movie has been altered to fit your television screen.' Comment from person: 'How do they know what size screen I have?'




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Editor's Note: Be sure to check out my blog at michaelbissell.com/blog -- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make the world... nutty.

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