Putdowns by Wrestler Bill "The Bard" Shakespeare (PG)
1> "Hie thee away, scoundrel, lest this metallic vessel be oped; its whoop-ass forthwith unleash'd."
2> "Shall I compare thee to a summer's eve? For verily, thou art a douche-bag!"
3> "Unbridled envy wouldst thine ample codpiece inspire, save that it concealeth naught but a minnow."
4> "Get thee to a nunnery! For next to nun, methinks, is thy prospect of victory."
5> "Faugh! Thy putrid exhale couldst topple the carrion fowl from off his perch, atop a cart with human refuse laden."
6> "Thou mewling swag-bellied scullion! Thou wretched folly-fallen cutpurse! Most grievously doth thy visage offend the eye, thou droning flap-mouthed pignut!"
7> "Behind yon mask of red and gold, what coxcomb struts and frets in dainty tights, unswell'd by manly cord?"
8> "Of fruitless issue is thy ill-spoken slander! For elastic is my composition, whilst thine is adhesive."
9> "As thy wife for me last e'en did bend, So shall thy legs before thee at match's end!"
10> "But, soft! What stench through yonder buttocks breaks?"
11> "What warrior doth tread distant battlefields unshod, his footwear relinquish'd to her whose loins begat thee?"
12> "Fat-kidneyed rascal, thine canker'd countenance shall kiss the cold earth anon!"
Buy my book!
Mundane Journeys through an Amazing World
begins with Interstate 80. Not the most engaging topic, I know, but when you think about it, I-80 runs all the way across the North American continent linking San Francisco and New York. It's not just a ribbon of asphalt, it's a portal to far away, almost magical places.
My visits to major cities like Tokyo, London and Washington DC have been business affairs. I haven't rode a lot of roller coasters or ridden in open air buses, but I have visited with senators, bought yams from the back of a truck and barely escaped complete embarrassment when I was introduced to Matt Wiener in Vegas.
As I wrote the book I realized that over the years exotic, distant places have become more like the mundane places I've called home. But, as it turns out, there really aren't any mundane places, only mundane ways of looking at things.
If you have the cost of a latte and a Kindle, you can buy a copy at Amazon by clicking here.
Or buy it in print! Mundane Journeys Trade Paperback
Be sure to check out my blog at
-- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make
the world... nutty.
Today's blog: Tribal Amnesia
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