Dubya Intelligence Test (G)
While visiting England recently, George W. Bush was invited to have tea with the Queen.
Given his recent political problems, he decides to take advantage of her years of leadership experience and asks her for her advice. She responds that she surrounds herself with the most intelligent people she can find and lets them do their jobs.
Intrigued with this novel theory, Bush asks her how she is able to tell if the people are intelligent.
"I do so by asking them a test question" responds the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."
The Queen then dials 10 Downing Street and asks to speak to Tony Blair. "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer a hypothetical question for me."
"I'll do my best, Your Majesty" responds Blair.
"Your mother has a child and your father has a child" says the Queen. "The child is not your brother or your sister. Who is the child?"
Tony Blair hesitates momentarily and then confidently replies, "Well, Your Majesty, I guess it would have to be me."
"Correct" says the Queen. "Thank you and good day to you Sir."
The Queen hangs up and says "Did you hear that Mr. Bush? See how clever he is."
Impressed, Bush replies "I certainly did. I'll definitely be using that one when I conduct my next Cabinet shuffle back in the US."
Upon returning to Washington, Bush decides he'd better put some of his senior Cabinet Members to the test. He summons Dick Cheney to his office and says, "Dick, I wonder if you could answer a question for me?"
"Why of course Sir" Cheney responds unenthusiastically, annoyed that the President was again seeking his input on something.
"Well, uh, let's say your mother has a child and your father too has a child. This child is not your brother and also is not your sister. Who is it?"
Somewhat surprised at this odd question, Cheney hems and haws and finally asks if he can have some time to think about it.
"Certainly" responds Bush.
Cheney immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republicans and they puzzle over the question for several hours. Totally baffled, they decide to conduct some research and contact a loyal Washington consulting firm. A budget of $10 million is provided and intensive research is carried out over the next two weeks. Unfortunately, the consultants are unable to come up with an answer.
Desperate to prove that he is smarter than George, Cheney decides to take a chance and calls Al Gore.
"I realize you are just an Tennessee redneck and are not all that wise in the ways of the world, but maybe you can help me out with a problem I have.
Gore is naturally skeptical about Republican promises, but in the spirit of political co-operation he agrees to do what he can to help out.
"O.K., here goes" says Cheney. "Your mother has a child and your father has a child. The child is not your brother or your sister. Who is the child?"
Without hesitating, Gore responds "It would be me, of course."
Impressed at the his quick response, Cheney quickly brushes off Gore and rushes to the President's office (where he is watching football and eating snack foods under the careful observation of the Secret Service on the lookout for choking).
" I know the answer to your question, you Idiot!! I know who the child is!!"
Bush, who was privately becoming a bit concerned at the delay in hearing back from Cheney, is delighted (when he finally remembers what it was that he asked). "Who is it Dick?" he asks.
With obvious pride, Cheney replies "It's Al Gore, George - its Al Gore!!"
Stunned, Bush shouts in disgust, "Wrong you idiot - it's Tony Blair!!"
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Mundane Journeys through an Amazing World
begins with Interstate 80. Not the most engaging topic, I know, but when you think about it, I-80 runs all the way across the North American continent linking San Francisco and New York. It's not just a ribbon of asphalt, it's a portal to far away, almost magical places.
My visits to major cities like Tokyo, London and Washington DC have been business affairs. I haven't rode a lot of roller coasters or ridden in open air buses, but I have visited with senators, bought yams from the back of a truck and barely escaped complete embarrassment when I was introduced to Matt Wiener in Vegas.
As I wrote the book I realized that over the years exotic, distant places have become more like the mundane places I've called home. But, as it turns out, there really aren't any mundane places, only mundane ways of looking at things.
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