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A smoking warning for men (R)

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A Canadian study shows that smokers seem to have smaller penises, due to the smoking.

Health Canada should take note of that penis study.

There is no doubt that news of reduced size and endurance, if properly advertised, will end smoking once and for all in the male population ... of this man hath no greater fear.

To save taxpayers a whole bunch of money, we asked the Page Six Research and Jingle Division -- currently out stocking up on nicotine gum and Viagra -- to create some new lines for those government warnings on cigarette packs.

Here's what came up.

* These cigarettes are king size -- and you're not.

* Smoking sections in restaurants aren't the only things getting smaller.

* If you don't reduce your smoking, your smoking will reduce you.

* Smoking may lead to ridicule on your honeymoon.

* Smoke rises -- you may not.

* Second-hand smoke can be harmful to children -- if you were capable of conceiving any.

* Cigarettes get shorter the more you puff -- so do you.

* How can you enjoy a smoke afterwards if there's no before?

* The only thing left after a smoke is a dead stub.

* Don't throw lit cigarettes in the urinal -- you might not have the range to put them out.

Buy my book!
Mundane Journeys through an Amazing World begins with Interstate 80. Not the most engaging topic, I know, but when you think about it, I-80 runs all the way across the North American continent linking San Francisco and New York. It's not just a ribbon of asphalt, it's a portal to far away, almost magical places.

My visits to major cities like Tokyo, London and Washington DC have been business affairs. I haven't rode a lot of roller coasters or ridden in open air buses, but I have visited with senators, bought yams from the back of a truck and barely escaped complete embarrassment when I was introduced to Matt Wiener in Vegas.

As I wrote the book I realized that over the years exotic, distant places have become more like the mundane places I've called home. But, as it turns out, there really aren't any mundane places, only mundane ways of looking at things.

If you have the cost of a latte and a Kindle, you can buy a copy at Amazon by clicking here.

Or buy it in print! Mundane Journeys Trade Paperback

Editor's Note: Be sure to check out my blog at -- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make the world... nutty.

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