Bill vs Bill (R)
Bill Clinton and Bill Gates, one day in 1999, were having an, up until the time,intelligent conversation about how to assert power onto others. Being who they are, however, their conversation quickly changed from discussing politics to discussing which of the two had the bigger penis.
Clinton strongly forced his view upon Gates by saying Well look at what me and Monica did. Gates however won back the argument by stating. "Well, look what I do to my customers every single day of every single week." The friendly argument swiftly devolved into a shouting match between the two. I have the biggest penis of any man in the world! Clinton forcefully bellowed Iíll show you!
Clinton then unzipped his pants and revealed his monstrous phallus to Gates. "Thatís nothing compared to my titanic sabre!" exclaimed Gates. Gates showed his hulk-ish beast to Clinton. It was clearly much greater than Clinton could ever imagine.
Mr. Clinton was both infuriated and envious at the same time. He could never let anyone else see how great of a scepter Mr. Gates carried. In a fit of rage, Clinton pulled out his .45 caliber pistol, pointed it at Gatesí head, and demanded he never displayed his monster for anyone elseís eyes to see. Gates, having an ego much larger than his giant, forcefully denied Clintonís envious request.
Clinton then called his team of advisors into the room and discussed what they could do to stop Gates from showing his amazing girth to the rest of the world. After minutes of arguing, debating, and eating pizza, they decided to take a knife to Mr. Gatesí woodrow and cut it equally in two pieces. The severed half would be given to one of Bill Gatesí most trusted employees.
Gates would have no part of losing his most prized treasure; he therefore called his army of lawyers to fend off Clinton for just a small time, so Gates could hide his penis. Alas, his minions could only stop Clintonís superior army for a short while; not nearly long enough for Gates to conceal his cannon. In the end, Clinton was able to cut Gatesí pedro in two.
Nothing really happened afterwards. Gates remained the greatest dick in the world and Clinton still was the second gun.
Buy my book!
Mundane Journeys through an Amazing World
begins with Interstate 80. Not the most engaging topic, I know, but when you think about it, I-80 runs all the way across the North American continent linking San Francisco and New York. It's not just a ribbon of asphalt, it's a portal to far away, almost magical places.
My visits to major cities like Tokyo, London and Washington DC have been business affairs. I haven't rode a lot of roller coasters or ridden in open air buses, but I have visited with senators, bought yams from the back of a truck and barely escaped complete embarrassment when I was introduced to Matt Wiener in Vegas.
As I wrote the book I realized that over the years exotic, distant places have become more like the mundane places I've called home. But, as it turns out, there really aren't any mundane places, only mundane ways of looking at things.
If you have the cost of a latte and a Kindle, you can buy a copy at Amazon by clicking here.
Or buy it in print! Mundane Journeys Trade Paperback
Be sure to check out my blog at
-- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make
the world... nutty.
Today's blog: Why I dropped out of Social Media
Follow @bissell and @jokeindex on Twitter