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This World We Live In
REAL STORIES OF THE NON-TECHNICALLY INCLINED
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I worked with an individual who plugged their power strip back into itself and for the life of them could not understand why their computer would not turn on.
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1st Person: 'Do you know anything about this fax-machine?'

2nd Person: 'A little. What's wrong?'

1st Person: 'Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say
all she received was a cover-sheet and a blank page. I tried it again, and the
same thing happened.'

2nd Person: 'How did you load the sheet?'

1st Person: 'It's a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want anyone else
to read it by accident, so I folded it so only the recipient would open it
and read it.'

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I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you
need some help?' I asked. She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the
battery in this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do
you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a
battery for this?' 'Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked. 'No,
just this remote 'thingy,'' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.
As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you
drive over there and check about the batteries...it's a long walk.'

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Tech Support: 'What does the screen say now.'
Person: 'It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'.'
Tech Support: 'Well?'
Person: 'How do I know when it's ready?'

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My friend called his car insurance company to tell them to change his
address from Texas to Vermont. The woman who took the call asked where
Vermont was. As he tried to explain, she interrupted and said, 'Look,
I'm not stupid or anything, but what state is it in?'

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Several years ago we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he
was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing
paper. What do I do?' 'Just use copier paper,' she told him. With that, the
intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier
and proceeded to make five blank copies.

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I was working the help desk. One day one of the computer operators
called me and asked if anything 'bad' would happen if she dropped coins into
the openings of her PC. I asked her if this was something she was thinking
of doing. She said, 'never mind' and hung up. So I got out my trusty tool
kit and paid her a visit. I opened her CPU case and sure enough, there was
40 cents.

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One of our servers crashed. I was watching our new system administrator
trying to restore it. He inserted a CD and needed to type a path name to
a directory named 'i386.' He started to type it and paused, asking me,
'Where's the key for that line thing?'

I asked what he was talking about, and he said, 'You know, that one that
looks like an upside-down exclamation mark.'

I replied, 'You mean the letter 'i'?' and he said, 'Yeah, that's it!'

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This person had a broken lamp which he wanted to discard. Unfortunately,
the power cord ran under his refrigerator, making it impossible to move
the lamp while the cord was attached. He decided to cut the cord, since the
lamp was unusable anyway. He didn't remember to unplug it first. I found
him in the hallway rolling back and forth.

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I was in a car dealership a while ago when a large motorhome was towed
into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the
whole thing generally looked like an extra in 'Twister.' I asked the
manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the cruise
control, then went in back to make a sandwich.

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I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered
said, 'Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?'

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I rented a movie from Blockbuster. Before the movie begins a message
comes on the screen saying, 'This movie has been altered to fit your
television screen.'
Comment from person: 'How do they know what size screen I have?'




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Editor's Note: Be sure to check out my blog at michaelbissell.com/blog -- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make the world... nutty.

Today's blog: Historical Figures in Modern Clothes
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