15> Entire library stock replaced by 50,000 copies of "Yes, I Can" by Sammy Davis, Jr.
14> Half-dozen recently-extracted tongues stapled to the "Quiet Please" sign.
13> Recommends Kato Kaelin's book.
12> Instead of scanning barcode on book at checkout, seductively licks the inside cover.
11> Library only has two sections: "Limbaugh" and "Liddy."
10> Inserts boudoir photos of herself in copies of Gray's Anatomy.
9> When you ask for an appendix, she winks suggestively and shows you her scar.
8> Replaces the overdue book fine with canings from the "Rod of Literary Tardiness".
7> Files Art Buchwald under "Humor"
6> Always doing donuts with the bookmobile in the video store parking lot.
5> No matter what book you ask for, she hands you a piece of toast and a Q-tip.
4> Uses the "Dewer's Decimal System", which involves regular belts of scotch.
3> Instead of a simple "Shhhh", uses a bullhorn to say, "One more sound and I cap yo' ass!"
2> Flashes patrons and yells, "Hey! Check *this* out!"
1> Leans over to whisper something and bites off half of your right ear.
I take old Starbucks Drink Cups and turn them into Lamps
The warm panels are made from melting down old Starbucks drink cups, but it looks and feels like mica or some organic material. The wood in the lampshade and base is pulled from our 100 year old house in Astoria Oregon during a remodel, and it all comes together for a beautiful, classic look.
Editor's Note: Be sure to check out my blog at
michaelbissell.com/blog -- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make
the world... nutty.