Want to know if someone is a native of the San Francisco Bay Area? Want to find out if you qualify yourself? Take the following quiz and find out!
1) Complete the following phrase:
Dublin, Berkeley, San Lorenzo, Cupertino, __________
2) Name the five bridges that cross San Francisco Bay. Extra credit: put them in order from north to south. Extra extra credit: explain how to get across the Golden Gate Bridge during rush hour in less than an hour.
3) Complete the following phrase: 2400 Mission, top of the hill, __________
4) You're at a San Francisco Spiders hockey game at the Cow Palace. (True: a team called 'the Spiders' play at a place called 'the Cow Palace.' Go figure.) A woman comes out to sing the Star Spangled Banner wearing a huge hat with a model of the entire financial district, including the TransAmerica building, on top of it. Your response is:
a) 'Hey, look at that idiot wearing the dorky hat!' b) 'Hey, look at that woman wearing the cool hat!' c) 'Hey, Beach Blanket Babylon!'
5) Explain the following joke: 'I don't want to call her ugly, but whenever I say 'TV 20,' she turns her head.'
6) Which of the following is your typical response to an earthquake?
a) 'Earthquake! We're all gonna die!' b) 'Earthquake! Great! Now I don't have to go into work today.'
c) 'Earthquake? We had an earthquake today? I didn't feel it.'
7) Match up the following people with the phrases/shows they're associated with:
a) Bob Wilkins 1) Baghdad-by-the-Bay b) Pat McCormick 2) Creature Feature c) Herb Caen 3) Sacratomato d) Dr. Donald D. Rose 4) Dialing for Dollars
8) If someone asked you how to drive from San Francisco to Los Angeles, what would be your response?
a) Get onto 101 south and take it all the way. b) Take 80 east to 580 east to 5 south, then take it all the way. c) Los Angeles? Why do you want to go to Los Angeles?
9) Which of the following is NOT, repeat NOT, a valid name for a Bay Area sports stadium, and I don't care how much money they paid?
a) Oakland Coliseum b) San Jose Arena c) Candlestick Park d) 3Com Park
10) The word 'Frisco' is:
a) A cute little nickname for that city we also know as 'San Francisco.' b) A really annoying shortening of 'San Francisco,' no doubt started by Southern Californians who can't say words longer than two syllables. c) The result of a satanic plot. d) Beats me. Never heard the word before in my life.
11) The little man is on the edge of the chair, clapping wildly; the little man is sitting in the chair and clapping; the little man is sitting in the chair and leaning forward; the little man is asleep in the chair; and the chair is empty. What did I just describe?
12) In referring to a general region of the Bay Area, which of the following terms is never used? What is that area called instead?
a) Marin b) West Bay c) East Bay d) South Bay
13) BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) is not in fact rapid transit for the entire Bay Area. For instance, it doesn't run to Milpitas (but can you blame them?) Which of the following is another city that BART doesn't currently serve?
a) Richmond b) Fremont c) Daly City d) San Jose
14) Which of the following would you be likely to see people wearing at Bay to Breakers?
a) running shorts b) an Elvis costume c) a fancy ball gown d) a fancy ball gown worn by a male e) all of the above
1) San Jose 2) From north to south: Richmond-San Rafael Bridge Golden Gate Bridge Bay Bridge San Mateo Bridge Dumbarton Bridge Extra extra credit question answer: walk 3) Daly City 4) 'c' 5) It means she's a dog (if you still don't get it, ask a native to explain it to you) 6) 'c' 7) Bob Wilkins -- Creature Feature Pat McCormick -- Dialing for Dollars Herb Caen -- Baghdad-by-the-Bay Dr. Donald D. Rose -- Sacratomato 8) 'c' 9) 'd' 10) 'b,' 'c,' or 'd' 11) The movie rating system in the pink section of the San Francisco Chronicle. 12) 'b' -- it's called the Peninsula 13) 'd' (Can you believe it? San Jose doesn't have BART. Neither does the entire Peninsula south of Daly City. It's a conspiracy by those CalTrain people, I just know it.) 14) 'e'
12-14 correct -- you're a true Bay Area native. Feel free to look down on Los Angeles with pride. (You probably already do.)
8-11 correct -- you've probably lived in or near the Bay Area for awhile, but you're not yet a true native. You may occasionally leave the water running, or throw out your aluminum cans. Keep trying and you'll get better eventually.
4-7 correct -- You know a couple of things about the Bay Area, but you're far from being a native. Probably some of what you did get right were just lucky guesses. Go back to Los Angeles (even if you're not from there).
0-3 correct -- forget it. Don't kid yourself. You're not even a Californian, let alone a Bay Area native. Go back to Wisconsin. If you're not from there, you might as well be.
I take old Starbucks Drink Cups and turn them into Lamps
The warm panels are made from melting down old Starbucks drink cups, but it looks and feels like mica or some organic material. The wood in the lampshade and base is pulled from our 100 year old house in Astoria Oregon during a remodel, and it all comes together for a beautiful, classic look.
Editor's Note: Be sure to check out my blog at
michaelbissell.com/blog -- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make
the world... nutty.