The reason it's always so difficult for this president to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth is because it's usually three different stories. --Sam Donaldson
If the president could convince every woman in America that the Bible says oral sex is not adultery, he'd even have my vote. --Newt Gingrich
What's wrong with extending my probe? The president did the same thing. --Kenneth Starr
The special prosecutor is asking me to give oral testimony to the entire Grand Jury. --Monica Lewinsky
Shouldn't the president be held to the same standards as a TV sportscaster? --Marv Albert
The president should promise to spend the rest of his life trying to find the real person who had oral sex with the intern. --OJ Simpson
If I had to spend all day trying to find jobs for every bimbo who swore she didn't have sex with the president, I'd never get any of my own work done. --Vernon Jordan
The president should take up skiing. --Al Gore
If you're looking for me this week, I'll be in the bunker. --Saddam Hussein
Practicing safe sex in the Clinton White House means making sure the door is locked. --George Stephanopoulos
In last week's Cabinet meeting, the president asked us to go out and win one for the zipper. --Madeliene 'Aunt Bea' Albright
I take old Starbucks Drink Cups and turn them into Lamps
The warm panels are made from melting down old Starbucks drink cups, but it looks and feels like mica or some organic material. The wood in the lampshade and base is pulled from our 100 year old house in Astoria Oregon during a remodel, and it all comes together for a beautiful, classic look.
Editor's Note: Be sure to check out my blog at
michaelbissell.com/blog -- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make
the world... nutty.