9-1-1 calls (G)
Goofy 9-1-1 calls from the new book "What's the Number for 9-1-1?: America's Wackiest 9-1-1 Calls" by Leland H. Gregory III (Andrews McMeel Publishing):
Caller: "These bee-droppings are ruining my roof!"
A woman dialed 9-1-1 in the middle of a rainstorm to ask if police could give her a ride to avoid getting her new hairdo wet.
Caller: "Please connect me to Switzerland."
Paramedics, responding to an "abdominal evisceration," arrived at the caller's residence to find a 13-year-old boy lying on a bed. They quickly examined the boy but could find nothing wrong with him. When they asked why he had called 9-1-1, the boy told them he had "stuff" coming out of his navel. Further investigation revealed the "stuff" to be belly-button lint.
9-1-1 Dispatcher: "Fire or emergency?"
Caller: "Neither. My son was bothering me. I just wanted to let you know."
Caller: "Can you tell me when the next earthquake is?"
Velma Ann Wantlin of Houma, La., called 9-1-1 to report that her husband was preventing her from watching "Knots Landing."
9-1-1 Dispatcher: "9-1-1. Please state your emergency." Caller: "Yeah, am I talking to a real operator or is this a recording?" Dispatcher: "This is a real operator. Please state your emergency." Caller: "Are you sure you're a real person? You sort of sound like a recording."
Dispatcher (irritated): "I'm a real person, sir!"
Caller: "OK. Now you sound like a real operator."
9-1-1 Dispatcher: "Are you conscious?"
A man in La Vergne, Tenn., called 9-1-1 to report that his wife was pouring all his beer down the drain.
Caller: "My phone doesn't work."
9-1-1 Dispatcher: "Fire and ambulance."
Caller: "Yes sir, I need an ambulance for my son. He has his finger stuck in a Hot Wheels car."
Dispatcher: "I'm sorry, sir. Is this an emergency?"
Caller: "Well, it's his favorite one!"
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begins with Interstate 80. Not the most engaging topic, I know, but when you think about it, I-80 runs all the way across the North American continent linking San Francisco and New York. It's not just a ribbon of asphalt, it's a portal to far away, almost magical places.
My visits to major cities like Tokyo, London and Washington DC have been business affairs. I haven't rode a lot of roller coasters or ridden in open air buses, but I have visited with senators, bought yams from the back of a truck and barely escaped complete embarrassment when I was introduced to Matt Wiener in Vegas.
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