7 signs the santa at the mall is nuts (PG)
* Every so often, snaps into a Slim Jim and growls, "You've been bad and now you're goin' down, punk!"
* Keeps going on about how the New York Times should publish his 35,000 word list of who's naughty and nice.
* Despite massive photographic evidence to the contrary, claims to have never worn white gloves or shiny black boots.
* Right before souvenir photo is snapped, he whispers, "This year, you ain't gettin' squat!"
* When kids say, "My daddy says you're not really Santa," he responds with, "He's not really your daddy."
* That snowy beard? Nothin' but nose hair.
* While it's admittedly a nifty trick, blowing smoke rings out of his tracheotomy hole is just scaring the kiddies.
Buy my book!
Mundane Journeys through an Amazing World
begins with Interstate 80. Not the most engaging topic, I know, but when you think about it, I-80 runs all the way across the North American continent linking San Francisco and New York. It's not just a ribbon of asphalt, it's a portal to far away, almost magical places.
My visits to major cities like Tokyo, London and Washington DC have been business affairs. I haven't rode a lot of roller coasters or ridden in open air buses, but I have visited with senators, bought yams from the back of a truck and barely escaped complete embarrassment when I was introduced to Matt Wiener in Vegas.
As I wrote the book I realized that over the years exotic, distant places have become more like the mundane places I've called home. But, as it turns out, there really aren't any mundane places, only mundane ways of looking at things.
If you have the cost of a latte and a Kindle, you can buy a copy at Amazon by clicking here.
Or buy it in print! Mundane Journeys Trade Paperback
Be sure to check out my blog at
-- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make
the world... nutty.
Today's blog: A bit about Starbucks-ese
Follow @bissell and @jokeindex on Twitter