Jokeindex home

Auto Defense (G)

More Stuff!
Jokeindex Home
G rated jokes
Dad - ''Son, come in here, we need to talk.''

Son - ''What's up, Dad?''

Dad - ''There's a scratch down the side of the car. Did you do it?''

Son - ''I don't believe, if I understand the definition of a 'scratch the car, that I can say, truthfully, that I scratched the car.''

Dad - ''Well, it wasn't there yesterday, and you drove the car last night, and no one has driven it since. How can you explain the scratch?''

Son - ''Well, as I've said before, I have no recollection of scratching the car. While it is true that I did take the car out last night, I did not scratch it.''

Dad - ''But your sister, Monica, has told me she saw you back the car against the mailbox at the end of the driveway, heard a loud scraping sound, saw you get out to examine the car, and then drive away. So again I'll ask you, yes or no, did you scratch the car?''

Son - ''Oh, you mean you think you have evidence to prove I scratched it. Well, you see, I understood you to mean did ''I'' scratch the car. I stand by my earlier statement, that I did not scratch the car.''

Dad - ''Are you trying to tell me you didn't drive the car into the mailbox?''

Son - ''Well, you see sir, I was trying to drive the car into the street. I mishandled the steering of the car, and it resulted in direct contact with the mailbox, though that was clearly not my intent.''

Dad- ''So you are saying that you did hit the mailbox?''

Son - ''No sir, that's not my statement. I'll refer you back to my original statement that I did not scratch the car.''

Dad - ''But the car did hit the mailbox and the car did get scratched as a result of this contact?''

Son - ''Well yes, I suppose you could look at it that way.''

Dad - ''So you lied to me when you said you did not scratch the car?''

Son - ''No! No, that's not correct. Your question was ''Did I scratch the car?'' From a strict legal definition, as I understood the meaning of that sentence, I did not scratch the car...the mailbox did...I was merely present when the scratching occurred. So my answer of ''No'' when you asked ''Did I scratch the car'' was legally correct, although I did not volunteer information.''

Dad - ''Where did you learn to talk like a complete idiot?''

Son - ''From the President of the United States.''

Buy my book!
Mundane Journeys through an Amazing World begins with Interstate 80. Not the most engaging topic, I know, but when you think about it, I-80 runs all the way across the North American continent linking San Francisco and New York. It's not just a ribbon of asphalt, it's a portal to far away, almost magical places.

My visits to major cities like Tokyo, London and Washington DC have been business affairs. I haven't rode a lot of roller coasters or ridden in open air buses, but I have visited with senators, bought yams from the back of a truck and barely escaped complete embarrassment when I was introduced to Matt Wiener in Vegas.

As I wrote the book I realized that over the years exotic, distant places have become more like the mundane places I've called home. But, as it turns out, there really aren't any mundane places, only mundane ways of looking at things.

If you have the cost of a latte and a Kindle, you can buy a copy at Amazon by clicking here.

Or buy it in print! Mundane Journeys Trade Paperback

Editor's Note: Be sure to check out my blog at -- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make the world... nutty.

Today's blog: The New Facebook is Text Messaging
Follow @bissell and @jokeindex on Twitter