Golfing Hitman (R)
There are these friends who play golf together every Saturday. One Saturday they are getting ready to tee off when a guy, by himself, asks if he can join them. The friends look at each other and then look at the guy and say, ''Sure.''
So they tee off. About two holes into the game, the friends get curious about what the guy does for a living. So they ask him. The stranger tells them he's a hitman. The friends all laugh.
The guy says, ''No really, I am a hitman. My gun is in my golf bag. I carry it everywhere. You can take a look at it if you like.''
So one of the friends dicides to check it out. He opened the bag and, sure enough, there is a rifle with a huge scope attached. He gets all excited and says, ''WOW! I bet I can see my house through here! May I look?'' The hit man replies, ''Sure.''
So the guy looks for a second and says, ''YEAH! You can see my house! I can even see through the windows into my bedroom. There's my wife, naked. Isn't she beautiful? WAIT! There's my next door neighbor! And he's naked too!''
This really upsets the guy, so he asks the hitman how much it would be for a hit. The hitman replies, ''I get $1000 everytime I pull the trigger.''
The guy responds, ''$1000??? Well, ok. I want two hits. I want you to shoot my wife right in the mouth. She's always nagging at me and I can't stand it. Second, I want you to shoot my neighbor in the penis, just for screwing around with my wife.''
The hit man agrees, gears up and looks through the scope. He's looking for about five minutes until finally the man starts to get really impatient and asks, ''What are you waitng for?!?
The hitman replies, ''Just hold on..... I'm a about to save you a thousand bucks!''
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Mundane Journeys through an Amazing World
begins with Interstate 80. Not the most engaging topic, I know, but when you think about it, I-80 runs all the way across the North American continent linking San Francisco and New York. It's not just a ribbon of asphalt, it's a portal to far away, almost magical places.
My visits to major cities like Tokyo, London and Washington DC have been business affairs. I haven't rode a lot of roller coasters or ridden in open air buses, but I have visited with senators, bought yams from the back of a truck and barely escaped complete embarrassment when I was introduced to Matt Wiener in Vegas.
As I wrote the book I realized that over the years exotic, distant places have become more like the mundane places I've called home. But, as it turns out, there really aren't any mundane places, only mundane ways of looking at things.
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-- maybe not as funny as the 5,000+ jokes here, but I ramble about life, technology and other things that make
the world... nutty.
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